while you were singing along, might want to know the lyrics....

MGMT : Time to Pretend"

"I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life.
Let's make some music, make some money, find some models for wives.
I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin, and fuck with the stars.
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars.

This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do.
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute?

Forget about our mothers and our friends
We're fated to pretend
To pretend
We're fated to pretend
To pretend

I'll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms
I'll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world
I'll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home
Yeah, I'll miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone.

There's really nothing, nothing we can do
Love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew.
The models will have children, we'll get a divorce
We'll find some more models, everything must run it's course.

We'll choke on our vomit and that will be the end
We were fated to pretend
To pretend
We're fated to pretend
To pretend"
Hyperflow Days

a decade in boston calls for future migration

10 years ago I packed a trunk of computer equipment into a shared dorm room and sucked university bandwidth dry. I was drawn to this city, an epicenter of technology development, a heaven for misfits, an idea with infinite opportunities.

I had no idea I would find biotechnology, or Manray, or Harvard, or kung fu, or the myriad of sweet wonders in candlelit living rooms, rented dance halls and lecture ballrooms. I had no idea WHAT I would find, but I was convinced I would find it. Boston was the right move. Boston is home.

A decade later that same inertia calls me to unfamiliar places. For right or for wrong, I have to follow gut instinct. as the saying goes "dont freeze when zero hour comes", so I'm writing today to put myself on the fishhook. I'm not saying I will never return to Boston. In fact, I intend to.

Quietly in the background, I've been relocating my life. In august 2009, all the Harvard hospitals will be online. I will be done with my masters training. When my mentor told me SF was the next target city, I knew my time had come. We have collaborators in 18 us cities and its time for me to expand our operations nationally. I have no idea where this project will bring me but I intend to get a PHD along the way.

We are all so young, versatile and capable of so many things. To stay in one place forever seems an error. I will forever love and thank this city. Truly going to miss it. This will be my last Christmas here.

I hope 2009 is among our brightest, I hope to spend time with you before I go.

thank you all for being awesome.
  • Current Music
    She Wants Revenge: US

2008 = changes

5 weeks ago I was single, mobile, and partying way too much.

Today I am in a serious relationship, in physical therapy, and going to tons of art shows. Even saw modern dance and traditional ballet. And speaking season starts tomorrow so why am I on livejournal when I should be packing for philly? need a calm little moment before the next storm.

Even my PHD aspirations have changed, as in, I am not sure WHERE I want to do that.
My mentors are still amazing, and I have lived under their guidance for the last 4 years, perhaps it is time for new instruction? I still have great respect for their wisdom and this city. Yet I feel the tug of foreign cities -- even SF -- this feeling has been heavy on me for so long I either need to make sacrifices or shut up about it.

life has generally been wonderful.

Thank you to my friends for visiting, feeding, and entertaining me; even when I insisted I would be fine on my own. My appreciation will be accompanied by something more than a lifejournal memo.

hope all is well for you all,

ps: +1 change: president, FWIW.
  • Current Music
    Tool: Lateralus album


Greatly relieved to learn pain levels are normal (though very intense).

Dr: right quadricep is GONE and I have to retrain the muscle.
Though physically about the same size, after an 8 weeks vacation it no longer works.

Surgeon: greatest risk is that I skimp on the physical therapy.

andy: dedicated perpetual motion @38 degrees.

I am so excited for the healing process that the pain literally feels like less of an obstacle.

I still have the intellectual prowess of a sesame street character. I suspect my humor is increasing, though. Believe it or not, I have taken over 120 percocet in 8 days which is *significantly LESS* than the rate I was prescribed. Unbelievable. and I am still in pain. all I can do is laugh and call bullshit.

Today was a good day.
I might take a walk (*cough* with crutches) to the water fountain in my yard.
  • Current Mood
    today was a good day

post surgical reflections://103

After 103 hours and counting, without mobility and opiated brain function...

Humility and patience come to mind.
Those things that you never make time for yet force themselves into your life anyway.

In exchange I have found immense appreciation for the little things that aren't so little after all--
friends visiting to make me laugh to forget agony, discussions of philosophy over dinner, Halloween costumes and farsighted vacation plans, get well cards made of computer parts, or your friend camping out at your house for an entire day just to make sure you are ok.

Fortunately, I'm all out of pain killers and the offices are "closed for the weekend" unless I want to hobble to the ER & wait to get meds. Yes, I have been using humor to combat all forms of pain, its really the best medicine I can think of.

Not to worry, I am *assured* refills tomorrow. Then I can be a happy pill monster all over again.
cookie, cookie!

recovering from surgery, cosmic debts repaid in full.

ouch. for serious. 3 biodegradable screws. If karma exists I paid my debt from this and all previous lifetimes. seriously that was fucking painful, and still is. 6 weeks until I walk again. what the hell.

For What Its Worth, I'm staying positive. Right now I just woke up in a ton of pain and need a distraction. Have a nice day.


surgery + school + speaking = silly

britt starts monday
surgery next wednesday september 17
whacked out on drugs until september 29th

october 5th draft spec, national architecture for clinical and genomics research
october 14-17 philadelphia
october 18-20 mid terms
october 26 major release
november 1 major release
november 8-12 Washington DC
november 16th informatics retreat, conference organizer

will find out how realistic this is. wasn't counting on the surgery part.
already canceled pittsburgh and second DC trip, boo